Sandi was born and raised for a large part in Washington DC, the fourth child of six children, with three elder sisters and two younger brothers. Happy times as a child were usually in the bedroom she always shared with her sisters, a place of refuge for the four girls. She recalls being “dirt poor” until the family’s circumstances improved somewhat as a result of her mother’s new job when she was in junior high school. Up until then, Christmas for the children consisted of a six pack of small bottles of coke, but that was OK, because they didn’t know any differently and it was only in hindsight that Sandi realised how poor the family had been, certainly not wealthy enough to be taking many photos.  Sandi’s father had been studying to enter the priesthood, an idea which he abandoned when he met her mother. She had never wanted children, but with a highly religious husband who wouldn’t consider contraception, within ten years she was mother to a brood of six, with a husband who made only a limited income, trying his hand at a wide variety of trades including law enforcement, furniture sales, newspaper delivery, air conditioning installation and eventually working as a chef, finally following his life-long passion for cooking. Among Sandi’s most treasured possessions today is a set of knives gifted to her by her father when she first followed in his footsteps and began working in the food industry.

Sandi’s mother did not cope well with motherhood under these difficult circumstances, and Sandi had a strained relationship with her parents as a result, although in her mother’s later years there was greater understanding and empathy in their relationship, with Sandi and her mother making their peace. Sandi spent a time in her childhood in South Carolina, Georgia and Louisiana, and recalls all the children having a week off school when it was time to help harvest the tobacco crop. 

 Eventually the family moved to Maryland as her father followed employment.To this day, Sandi suffers from feelings of inadequacy and inferiority due to her lack of formal post-secondary education.  Her mother thought she was possibly a “slow learner”, while at school she was the child who couldn’t sit still, who struggled to retain information, who hid her inabilities behind becoming the class clown. Sandi still feels she graduated high school simply because they wanted to be rid of her. 

Keen to earn cash, from the age of 17, Sandi was working in a nightclub as a cocktail waitress, flashing just enough flesh to ensure the tips kept coming.  It was an initial attempt at escaping from her strict Catholic upbringing. As a teenager, Sandi had idolised her eldest sister, who was completely cut off from the family for a period of five years. Jenny was the sibling with the wild streak and was labelled irresponsible, leaving much of the work of raising the younger kids to the next-born daughter, Linda. It was when Ginny was caught being intimate with another girl that her family “excommunication” began. This was very traumatic for Sandi, four years younger than Ginny, who at the age of 13 or 14 was already aware of her own attraction to girls.  Naturally this was a fact Sandi chose to hide out of fear of her parent’s likely negative reaction when they eventually realised that they had a second gay daughter.  In fact, the youngest child in the family, a son, is also gay, which meant that he also faced more difficulties in a religious family than some of his luckier siblings.  Despite all of this, Sandi believes that her parents loved all their children, but didn’t have adequate parenting skills. Sandi is glad that overcoming the hardships the children endured at the hands of their parents, they built strong relationships with each other, Sandi being particularly close to her youngest brother who also is a local resident, and “much funnier than Sandi”, or so he is willing to tell everyone.

During her time as a cocktail waitress, Sandi was exposed to substance usage.  She regularly drank alcohol despite being well below the legal age for its consumption, smoked cannabis and dabbled in other illicit substances as a way of escape.  In her senior year, Sandi fell in love with an older man who treated her very well, an experience which she relished.  She fell pregnant but was not ready for motherhood and indeed felt afraid that she might become a similar parent to her mother.  With her partner’s agreement, the pregnancy was terminated, which also signalled the end of the relationship.  Sandi will still not entertain a bad word about this man, who was her first serious love. Not long after, aged just 20 and again adrift and with no idea at all of what she wanted to do with her life, Sandi joined the army, following the example of her eldest sister who had joined the Marines, Sandi searching for stability and a sense of purpose. What Sandi did find during basic training was a satisfaction at being clean, her mind and body no-longer clouded by the effect of any drug. Sandi enjoyed the physical challenge and topped the company in rifle-shooting. Her army service provided Sandi with a chance to become more confident of her capacity to achieve, and a growing sense of her own strength, both physical and mental. However, when Sandi received her posting to an infantry position in Georgia at the conclusion of her basic training, she found drugs readily available on base and returned to her hard-hitting lifestyle. Sandi stayed in the army a little under three years, working in food service, an alcoholic who failed rehab on several occasions. When she was notified that her next posting would be in Germany, Sandi’s commanding officer knew Sandi was unlikely to survive, let alone flourish in a foreign posting, and so offered Sandi an honourable discharge, which was gratefully accepted.

One recurrent theme in Sandi’s work-life has been being on the receiving end of discrimination: as a woman, a gay woman, and a gay woman without formal higher-education qualifications.  But rather than let this discrimination limit her potential, Sandi believes it “put a fire under my ass” and resulted in her fighting her own battles and advocating strongly for herself. For Sandi, the height of her career and her greatest achievement to date was her work with feeding school children and so leading to measurable improvements in learning outcomes amongst the disadvantaged.  Sandi wasn’t strictly qualified for the job, which had a degree as an entry-level requirement.  Her military service, at the “school of life” being taken into account, Sandi landed the job, where she implemented and then supervised a program, funded by the federal government in America, that delivered 35,000 meals a day to 62 school sites.  Supplied by the Department of Agriculture, the program had around 200 employees, across three separate unions, and it took every bit of Sandi’s military precision to coordinate.  

Sandi came to Hua Hin after she retired from full-time work. She was burnt-out and recovering from the break-up of a 15-year-long relationship. Sandi needed an opportunity to re-invigorate herself and to examine why she seems to make frequent bad choices in relationships and stays way too long when the relationship becomes unhealthy, seemingly most attracted to “broken people”.  Sandi is now committed to staying single as this way she avoids further heartbreak and is answerable to no-one but herself.

One aspect of her life in Hua Hin that has also been highly rewarding for Sandi has been developing relationships with local Thai children. While she has been teaching them English, she feels she has had the better side of the deal, and is always learning new things.  Sandi has a special relationship with a girl called Span, who never had much contact with her father.  Since Span’s mother left her at the tender age of 14, Sandi has been her support person, both financially and emotionally.  Span has recently been fitted with braces, and is now ready to embark on her first two years of university studies.  Although Span tries to limit her needs so as not to be a burden, Sandi will never begrudge time, effort or money used to assist Span, who Sandi views as a child of her heart, if not her body.

Reflecting on her life-path, Sandi can see her affinity with all living creatures, laughter and cooking have been essential ingredients.  As she puts it, “nothing says lovin’ more than something from the oven”. Sandi still doesn’t have much down-time, she has a busy calendar full of things waiting to be done. When asked about people she admires, Sandi was quick to name Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Michelle Obama, both staunch feminists and advocates for women’s rights. It wasn’t a surprise that these women’s moral and ethical codes are appealing to Sandi, since she is herself a champion of the underdog, and has little tolerance for those who are deliberately mean.  A loyal friend, a resilient optimist and a bit of a crusader, Sandi is having a positive impact on her local community and she should take pride in that.